Factors to consider before proposing or accepting a proposal as a mature Christian

SPIRITUAL DIFFERENCE ; Spiritual Difference here refers to both the spiritual state of your intended partner, thus; whether he/she is born again or not (spiritually alive or dead) and his/her spiritual beliefs.

People are controlled by their spiritual state and their spiritual beliefs. A person will hardly act different from his/her spiritual state and spiritual beliefs.

That’s why some men can carry bombs and grenades under their overalls and blow themselves up with others believing they will be given virgins in heaven and anyone can hardly make them think otherwise.

That means that it will be very difficult to go on the same path together with someone who has a different spiritual state (not born again) and spiritual beliefs from you.

A person who isn’t born again doesn’t have the life and nature of God. Such a person cannot walk in love, faith, patience, humility and other fruits of the spirit. This is why the Bible says that;

“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” 2 Cor. 6:14

An unbeliever can never be compared to even a baby Christian.

Unbelievers are owned and directly controlled by the devil. They cannot hear God’s voice, they have no fear of God and neither can they be directed and guided by His Spirit and word.

On the other hand, it’s also very difficult to go together with a partner who is a believer but has different spiritual beliefs and ideologies.

A Christian who believes in tithing will find it difficult to live together as a couple with a Christian who doesn’t believe in tithing, since finances will be handled together during marriage life. They will often quarrel because one might see it as a waste of money.

Also, a Christian who believes in praying in tongues will have a high time coping with one who doesn’t believe in praying in tongues.

I know a story of a lady who got married to a ‘Christian man’ from another denomination who doesn’t believe in tongues speaking because, the man said he doesn’t mind if she prayed in tongues in their marital home or not.

But, according to her, her husband always shouted at her, insulted her and sometimes beat her up for praying in tongues in their home.

Another woman I know married a Muslim man under the same promise that it doesn’t matter, she could remain a Christian; after giving birth to two girls, her husband and his family are forcing her to either convert to Islam or get divorce or even become a second wife to a Muslim woman.

These are few examples. Other differences may be dressing, doctrinal, food, way of life a denomination etc.

To my ladies, you need to understand that when you marry a man, you come under his authority.

Therefore, though he may promise you that your difference in spiritual beliefs doesn’t matter, yet, you must be very careful in going with him.

Be sure the difference isn’t something that can destroy the marriage or relationship if he decides to insist on it. People can pretend or say anything when they want you. But, things might not be the same afterwards.

Make sure you don’t just accept to marry anyone until you really know the fundamental beliefs of the church he attends.

Find time and visit his church more than once to at least see what goes on there before you make any serious commitment.

The mistake I see most ladies make is that, they usually make commitments or even marry before they discover that their husband’s church they are to attend isn’t what they assumed it was.

Another way we can look at spiritual difference is with regard to difference in maturity level of partners.

It’s not the best to go for someone who is way below you in maturity spiritually and assume he/she will grow to catch up.

Though that can work in some few cases with people who are very teachable and eagerly desirous to learn and grow.

However, for that to work, you have to firstly initiate that process for a while and notice a study growth before you make any commitment. People can pretend.

Maturity difference can result in a lot of disagreement.

We see, know and understand issues differently based on our level of maturity…

By Pastor Bernard King-Arthur