We Had Premarital Sex: What Now? Pt 1
Maybe you’re currently having—or fear impending—marital problems. One of you, or both, was sexually active before marriage. Is there any hope? The answer is a resounding, “Yes!”
God is a God of second chances. He tells us to come to Him and ask forgiveness with a repentant heart and He will wipe the slate clean.
Admit the sin of having premarital sex, repent from sexual immorality, and ask God’s forgiveness.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.” 1 John 1:8-10
Ask your spouse to forgive you for having premarital sex and pray that she or he will grant you grace, mercy, and forgiveness, just as God forgives.
Couples ask each other for forgiveness the same way they ask God for forgiveness: Confess, repent, ask for forgiveness, and assure your spouse of promised faithfulness.
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
But what if the husband and wife had premarital sex with each other? The same process applies. First, the husband, who is to be the spiritual leader of the family, apologizes to the wife for letting their relationship turn sexual before they were married. He takes responsibility for the sin, even though consensual, and asks his wife for forgiveness and she grants that forgiveness.
But wait, the wife has some confessing to do too. She went along with the sexual encounters, so she also needs to ask her husband’s forgiveness for being a consensual partner, and he grants her forgiveness.
After these frank confession and forgiveness sessions, just like God doesn’t revisit forgiven sins, neither does the couple. No talking about the past in the heat of an argument.
Here’s how a forgiveness conversation might go:
Husband to wife: I’m so sorry that I didn’t save myself sexually for you. I’ve asked God for forgiveness for my past sexual sins, and now, I’m asking your forgiveness. I love and cherish you and promise my faithfulness to our marriage vows.
Wife to husband: I do forgive you, and I’m ready for a fresh start in our marriage.
Then if the wife had premarital sex, she would ask her husband for forgiveness in the same way.
Remember, this forgiveness conversation is necessary even if the premarital sex was only with each other.