Singleness” is a myth. To be truly single means to be all one (alone), separate, unique, and whole.
No human being can meet your ego, soul, or spiritual needs; you might as well settle all of that with God. You are fit or ready for marriage only when you are totally fulfilled in Him.
Until you are a separate, single, unique, and whole person, you are not ready to marry!
Many have confused “singleness” with “being alone.” There should never be a time when you cease to be a single being who is unique and whole.
If a state of singleness means “to be unique and whole,” then to be totally single should be every Christian’s number one goal.
Instead of running from being single, you should be running toward singleness.
In Genesis 2:18, God said “It is not good that man should bealone.” He didn’t say it wasn’t good for him to be single. There is a profound difference between the two.
To not be alone, all you need are other humans to be your companions and close friends.
Marriage was not instituted to solve the problems of being alone—human beings were created as an answer to that problem.
Many would be wise to consider Adam in reference to singleness. He was so totally unique and whole that he did not even know that he was alone.
The vast majority of marital problems arise because a husband or wife (or both) has not seen himself or herself as a unique, worthy individual—that is, he or she had a bad self image, was not whole or separate, and always depended on some other person for happiness. They never maximized their singleness.
Marriage will not solve “aloneness.” Many people are in nonworking marriages in which they pray to become free, sleep in separate beds, or operate in tension. Marriages like that create more aloneness than those who are single could ever fathom.
God will not choose your mate for you. If He did, that would violate the free will and power of choice He gave you.
If God chose your mate for you, He would be taking responsibility for your relationship; then, if it failed, the blame could be transferred to Him. God only presents; you choose.
Many people are misguided by the misconception that God has created only one specific person on this planet for them to marry. That means the odds are one in six billion for you to find that “right one.”
If God has chosen one individual out of six billion on this planet just for you, and He did so without your knowledge and permission (and without the other person’s), then why would He not also choose salvation for you? That is a much more vital area of your life.
Whether or not you use the Word, wisdom, or the characteristics of God’s nature to make your choice of a lifetime mate, you must take full responsibility for your choice and all the consequences that come with your decision.
Providing marriage prospects is God’s responsibility, but choosing a mate is yours. Rely on the assistance of the Holy Spirit, but do not attempt to transfer the responsibility of choice to Him.
How much have you refined your separateness and uniqueness from others’? A relationship is only as good as what the individuals involved bring to it.
If you are able to grasp the revelation of the difference between being “single” and being “alone,” then you will never despise the state of being unmarried, and you will not marry based on wrong reasons.
Until you get to the state of being totally whole, totally unique, and totally separate—with the knowledge that you don’t need anyone to complete you—you are not ready to marry.
If you do not yet know who you are, then why do you think you will “find yourself” with someone else?
When you reach out frantically to others for the wrong motives, you will exploit and use them sexually, financially, or emotionally to meet your own needs without ever caring about theirs.
Many have set marriage and “living happily ever after” as their goal in life. The goal of the Christian is to become the separate, unique, and whole person the Lord wants him or her to be, and the vessel that will hold the Treasure, which is Jesus.