Growing up, I was made to believe Delilah, the woman who conquered Samson, the most powerful man at the time, was a prostitute. Well she may have been but the Bible doesn’t say that she was ( Judges16:4). In my view she was a cunning woman who knew how to get to the core of a man’s heart. Yes, Samson had a weakness with women but it was out of them all who conquered him.
Today ‘Delilahs’ walk around in heels amongst us. I’m sure you’ve come across a man who left his perceived good looking woman for someone, well, not so impressive in your judgement. The question most people ask is , “why would he leave his wife for such a woman? Now there are many reasons why men are “hooked” by other women. These include a deep problem of lust on the man’s part, foolish adventure, witchcraft and lack of boundaries. However in my few years of counselling, I’ve come to learn that “husband snatchers” usually take time to study men and do what a number of wives don’t do. Now this article may be subject to a lot of controversy but my prayer is that someone will open their heart and learn one or two things. There are certain things ‘Delilah’ knows about your ‘Samson’ which you may not know. Delilah knows that;
1. One of the greatest needs in a man’s life is respect. Every man wants to feel respected and esteemed by the wife. Any woman who shows great admiration for a man is most likely to strike a positive nerve in the life of that man. Men love women who will think of them as superman even when they ain’t doing well. They love women who will respect their work, their gifts, their ideas, their talents, their achievemnets (even small ones)and their opinions (even when they seem stupid). They love women who will listen to what they are saying and respect their words.
2. Men need still waters and green pastures. They are like the proverbial deer in Psalm 42 which pants for the waters. Men go through a lot of stress which they rarely talk about. As a result they desire a place where they can just sit and be refreshed without any stress and pressure, hence the trips to the “night watering” points. Delilah knows this and what she does is create an environment where the man feels unstressed and relaxed. She will not pile pressure on him as soon as he arrives. She welcomes him with a kiss, gets his bags, sits him down and massages his feet and shoulders. Afterwards she serves him his favourite beverage whilst preparing his favourite meal. Only after he has rested and eaten will she bring out the bill. This I’ve heard several times from the men I’ve counselled. Delilah goes that far.
3. She knows that men need space. He needs space to think, to plan, to day dream and just to be empty, yes to be empty. You must have heard of about the ‘nothing’ box in every man’s mind. A man needs time to be in that ‘nothing’ space. Delilah knows that when he’s in that ‘space’, it’s not time to start asking what’s wrong and why he ain’t talking unless it prolongs. In one of our couples meeting almost all the men agreed that they need at least fifteen minutes to themselves when they get home to unwind and switch to “home mode”.
Men also need space to be themselves. The boy in a man never really disappears, they still need to play with ‘toys’ and friends. Toys may have changed to actual cars but they still need that space to play. They need space to be with their friends. Of course these must be good influence and not for longer periods than they spend with their wives and families.
4. Sex is top on the list for a man. Nothing drives a man into Delilah’s laps faster than lack of or boring sex at home. Delilah knows how to seduce man. She’s mastered the art. She knows that a man needs sex as often as he requires. So she’s ready for him as and when he needs it. She goes out of her way to please him sexually. In most cases, everything she does for him is intended to lead to sexual intercourse. She is deliberate about it and does not give it like a prescription drug, one tablet once a week. If he’s taken one, two will be overdose.
5. She ‘likes’ what he likes. Whether genuinely or not I may not know but all I know is that it works for her. If he likes concerts, she likes them too. If he likes soccer, she likes it too. If he likes movies, she likes them too. So she accompanies him, whether out of insecurity or love I may not know but all I know is that it works for her. She even wears his favourite teams jersey. She supports his projects and takes time to inquire about the progress of the projects.
6. She’s studied his eating habits and knows what he likes and how he likes it. Whilst the wife, in her busy schedule may think he still likes boiled chicken, she may have noticed that he’s moved on to charcoal grilled. Every married man must be careful with a woman who seems to know your taste better than your wife. Delilah serves the man herself, she does not delegate to the maid.
7. She will not nag and push, she will wait until it’s necessary. Even the most powerful king of his time, Solomon was scared of a nagging wife. The “what”, “when” and “wheres” must not dominate your conversations. No wonder some men fear a call from their wives than one from the Police. I know men must provide solutions but not at the cost of nagging. You will get your answers and lose your husband. King Solomon said,
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife”( Ptoverbs 21:19).
Unfortunately most men don’t make it to the desert. They find an ‘oasis’ nearby and camp there.
The point of this article is not to instill fear or a sense of competition for your husband but to awaken those who are slumbering with regards to their matrimonial duties and encourage the rest to work on their marriages. I think the truth is we are in those days the Prophet Isaiah talked about when he said,
“In that day, seven women will take hold of one man and say, “we will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name…” ( Isaiah 4:1).