Let’s look at Ephesians 5:25 again: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”. Here’s a key on how to love your wife. Notice it says, “as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her”. The focus is on Christ — the way Christ loves us.
There are times when Wendy doesn’t see my point of view and we have a disagreement. After the disagreement, we hear a song—the Sound of Silence! So I give her the cold treatment and drive off somewhere. I tell myself, “It’s time for her to learn and grow up! Like a wild horse, she must be tamed!”
So I’m driving down the road with such thoughts. I try to forgive her and love her, but the more I try, the worse it becomes! What do I do then, when I don’t feel like loving my wife?
The secret is to turn to Jesus. My part is not to try to love my wife because I’ll just get angrier. I’ll just have more bad thoughts toward her, like how she should not have done that and how she should have known better. So I must stop and focus on Jesus’ love for me.
When I see how much He loves me, the Lord begins to show me how time and time again, I myself have done wrong when I should have known better, yet He still loves me. Not once has He said to me, “I resign from being your Savior!” He always says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
When you focus on Jesus and His grace toward you despite your mistakes, you begin to see your self-righteousness—acting like you are so high up there and holy, and she is so wrong. And you begin to despise what you see in yourself and say, “Lord, if You love me despite all my nonsense, how can I treat my wife like this?”
Guys, focus on Jesus, not your wife. Meditate on His love for you. We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19) We forgive because He first forgave us.
Love your wife and say, “I am sorry,” even if you are not in the wrong. It’s your glory to overlook a transgression. (Proverbs 19:11) It takes a real man to do that.
And when your wife sees you humble, she feels loved. She won’t take advantage of you. She will end up loving you because your lovingkindness toward her makes you attractive.
-Secrets of Manly Leadership