I feel to share with you my personal testimony so that it may help others. God spoke three words to me that has changed my life forever…as those very three words have changed the lives of multitudes of others who are experiencing what they really mean!
I became a born again Christian about four months ago (2014). I feel like a baby in the spirit. Jesus has saved me, has given me eternal life, and is living inside of me as the Holy Spirit. Praise the Lord, my name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life! Heaven is my home. Glory be to God!
I am 27 years old now. But back when I was 16 in high school, I was introduced to drugs, weed, cigarettes, alcohol, and really whatever could get me high, but worst of all these addictions was my addiction to porn and masturbation. The devil had planted a seed in me and it had to be watered. I became addicted to not only drugs but I became heavily addicted to porn.
I would watch porn every day for hours without eating or talking to anyone. I would just sit there glued to the computer and masturbate daily multiple times a day. The devil had me blinded, thinking that this was okay – that it’s just hormones – that it wasn’t a sin – it’s natural – that I’ll eventually stop some day, but in reality this sin separated me from God.
For ten years I was like this — all throughou
I was so ashamed and embarrassed that this addiction had such a stronghold on me. I tried many times over several years to quit, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t bring myself to stop. I would get these lustful urges from seeing stuff on TV and just immediately go watch porn and masturbate. I could not control myself. I was out of control. I was depressed – lonely – having no real friends. The friends I did have – we would get high every day, go to bars, go-go bars, strip clubs, night clubs. I was living in sin and couldn’t stop.
t high school and college — even as I started to work at age 25. For more than ten years, I would wake up every morning and the first thing I would do is get high, watch porn and masturbate. I had several girlfriends thinking this would help stop my addiction but it didn’t. Really – it just fueled it more.
My parents are orthodox Christians. They had no idea about my addiction, but they would take me with them to church sometimes. I used to think that going to church, taking communion and confessing to a priest was all I had to do, but I was wrong. I knew of Jesus, but I did not know Jesuspersonally.
I felt so ashamed; I knew I was a sinner. I knew God hated sin. I wanted to be right with God but didn’t know where to start or how. I thought that I had to quit my addiction first — then I could get right with God — not knowing that I couldn’t stop on my own and that I needed God to help me stop, but I never asked or prayed to God for help. I just thought I could somehow stop on my own one day, but that “one day” seemed to be growing further and further away and I had a knowing — when I would allow myself to think about it for a short moment — I was fooling myself. I was severely addicted and I just couldn’t stop.
Over the next two years I failed miserably from trying to stop watching porn and masturbating, and still I did not call out to God. I thought: God doesn’t want anything to do with me now, and I have to stop doing this first … then go to God. How wrong I was.
I was so ashamed and embarrassed, which caused me to believe the lie that I couldn’t talk to anyone about my problem. I felt left out everywhere I went. I couldn’t even look people in the eye while talking to them because I felt so ashamed. I felt they knew what I was doing.
One day I was on YouTube and heard a gospel song called Lord Give Me a Sign by DMX, and other gospel songs by DMX. Those songs really touched me. I felt the closeness he had with God; words like: “Thank you Father for making me righteous and accepted through the blood of Jesus.” — “Thank you Father; you sacrificed your Son to give me the chance”.
Those words really touched me. When I got home, I went to my room and lying on my bed, I said to myself: How can I be close to God? And right at that moment something inside me — not so much a voice but a thought — but it was clear and audible in my spirit (I now understand). It felt like it was coming from deep inside my being, saying, “Relationship with God”. I knew for sure this was God answering my question; this was God speaking to me – telling me to have a relationship with Him.
So lying in my bed I repeated those words: “Relationship with God” over and over and thought about them and kept thinking about what this means, then slowly I fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning — now remember — every morning for the past 10 years the first thing I would do before I even got out of bed was to get high, smoke, watch porn and masturbate. But that morning I had absolutely no desire to get high, no desire to smoke, no desire to drink, no desire to watch porn, no lust, no desire to masturbate. It was gone…it was all gone! My 10-year addiction that I had since high school that I desperately tried to stop and failed numerous times was all of a sudden just gone! I didn’t even want to smoke cigarettes, and I smoked a pack a day! Jesus took it all away and saved me. It was all gone and these were things I was desperately addicted to for 10 whole years. I could not quit no matter how many times I tried. Jesus truly saved and delivered me!
However, that morning I did have one new urge; one new desire that God gave me. That urge was to begin reading the Word of God. I hungered to read the Bible. Now, I never had such an urge to read God’s Word. It was amazing! I reached for my parent’s Bible and started reading the New Testament and I read it all day.
It’s been almost four months now as I write this and I’m happy to say Jesus is not only my Savior but my best friend. I have never looked back nor have I ever watched porn or masturbated or gotten high or did any of the stuff I used to do. I simply don’t have the desires anymore.
Jesus has shown me that He is the only way. Jesus Christ gave me new desires to read His Word and pray to Him and to really have a personal relationship with Him. I have so much more to say but what I want to say is this: I know that there is nothing I did in my own ability to save myself. The only thing I did was call out to God and ask Him how to be close to Him and He showed me — He answered me. His answer was to have a “Relationship with God” and now I see that there is no eternal relationship with God to be had nor none even now if a person is trying to have a “relationship with God” through any other means than with and through the Person of Jesus Christ. No one else paid the price for our sins to be forgiven — so they wouldn’t be held against us on the Judgment Day and because of them we would have to spend eternity in hell to pay the penalty for them. No one but Jesus qualifies to be our most intimate friend and Lord. Truth is, He not only is the Creator, He DIED for me to restore me back to God the Father so fellowship can be restored and remain restored (because sin separates us from fellowship with God the Father because of the sin nature we inherited from Adam and Eve).
I realize now that if we just yield and surrender all to Jesus, He will save us. I now know that I was saved by Gods grace alone and not by any of my own works of stopping sinning first or trying to somehow convince myself (and others) I was super spiritual (at church anyway – primarily). I am a dirty, filthy, rotten sinner deserving to be condemned to hell but God not only forgave me but forgot all my sins and saved me because Jesus has died for me. Wow! Think about that: God himself died for you! God would rather die for you than to go to hell, and so He did! Jesus paid it all on the cross! It’s amazing: Salvation is so easy — so simple. Just believe on Jesus Christ and you will be saved. I didn’t make it easy — God did. I realize you can’t depend on a church or a priest or a religion to save you. You depend only on Jesus Christ and believe what He did for you on the cross and you will receive full pardon for your sins and will inherit eternal life.
And you then qualify to be an intimate personal friend with the Creator – the One who created you – and the One the Father has given to be Judge over all things! What are you waiting for?! He’s eagerly waiting to have an intimate friendship with you!
I hope someone is encouraged by reading this, and I hope many become saved – all to the glory of Jesus Christ the Lord, and MY Lord. Amen!